I Can't Let You Go
by everlasting-luv
Summary: Japan can't get America out of his head. He's constantly thinking about him. How does America take it? WARNING: Yaoi


**Hey! This is my first story for America and Japan. I absolutely LOVE this couple! They are so cute! Anyways, please R&R :] Thanks! WARNING: Contains Yaoi! xD**

I Can't Let You Go

I can't believe I fell in love with an American! It's not right! After what he did to my country? It's so unfair!

But I suck up my anger as I read my manga...not even paying attentiong to it. I seriously need to get him out of my head. He's driving me insane! I can't get him out!

It's like I'm being suffocated and the words that I keep trying to tell him choke me. I don't know why that I drown in my words every time I even talk to him. I have never really liked anybody like this before. I need to work up the courage to tell him and not be such a…oh how do Americans put it…a coward.

China-san gave me a journal to right down my thoughts with but I never right in it. He gave it to me about three years ago. Then he decided to take me to counseling so I can "talk about it".

I don't have any clue why it is he wants to talk about my feelings so bad. Maybe because this is my first time feeling this way about another? I don't know. I keep telling him that it's just a silly crush and it will pass soon….

_Right?_

He doesn't think so. And honestly…I don't either. I really need to tell him how I feel but what am I going to tell him? What if he neglects me and doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?

_What if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore?_

I can't risk losing my only real friend that I have. I don't really count Germany-san as being my friend. Mainly because he and Italy-san are the best friends and they don't take me seriously. Nobody has ever really liked me anyways.

The other countries look at me as an outcast. I'm very timid and quiet, and I've never had a friend before America-san. He's always been my only friend.

I don't understand why America-san started liking me so much. I feel like a joke to him. I feel like I don't deserve his love and I don't know why…maybe this is the reason why China-san wanted me to go see a counselor. I feel…sad.

The door bell rang me out of my thoughts and I got up to see who was at my door. I slid my door open and I felt my heart jumping into my throat and butterflies in my stomach.

_America-san_ was at my door.

_Oh God, oh God, oh God what the hell am I going to do now? _I thought as I looked into his beautiful eyes.

"Hey Japan…I gotta tell you something" he said with such sincerity it scared me. I motioned him to come in and we sat down on the couch. I couldn't believe that look on his face. He always had that look with so much expression on it. And it's not there. I knew something was bothering him.

"What's wrong America-san?" I asked with worry in my voice and my face. He looked up at me and I felt his hands cup my face.

"First off, I want you to call me Alfred from now on…Kiku."

Wait! He called me Kiku! My human name! You're not supposed to call a country by their human name unless the two are…

_In love…_

"A-alright…Alfred. But…I need to tell you some-"

I was cut off by him leaning into my face and quickly pulling me into his lips. I felt my eyes grow heavy and soon…he got me.

I leaned into his kiss and wrapped my arms around him. I felt his warm callused hands leave my face and travel down to my hips. He ran his tongue along my bottom lip, so I opened my mouth and gladly accepted his intrusion.

Our tongues danced and tangled together in sweet passion. I felt him pull me up onto his lap his hands caressing my butt. Then…I felt something else.

_He slowly thrusted his hips up into my own…_

My eyes shot open when I felt him push me onto the couch. He let go to lift up my kimono and he groped my mid-section.

I knew I wanted it just as much as he did. I couldn't deny him. I wanted it.

He figured out how to slip off my kimono and pulled down my boxers. I couldn't believe the feeling. The rush I felt and the ecstasy...I loved it.

Before I knew it, he was undressed as well. I spread my legs and let him in. He pushed in and started to thrust.

"Nn-Alfred…I love you…I love you so much…"

"Uhn…mmm…I love you too Kiku…baby…you're everything to me…"

He ran his hands down my sides as he humped. I could feel his hand rub my penis and I knew I was going to cum soon. I just knew I was.

I lifted up my hand and started to pump myself for a little bit until he stopped me.

"No…I'll do it" he said, as he stimulated me. I threw my head back and moaned. I never knew I would ever have sex in my entire life. I never knew there was a person that wanted me as much as I wanted him.

At that moment…I knew that-

"It's meant to be…Kiku…me and you…forever."

He said exactly what I was thinking.

I felt sperm at the tip of my penis and I let go all over him. He shot his seed into me at the same time and our moans melted together. It was a great sound to the both of us.

Instead of pulling out, he lied on top of me and held me.

"I love you Kiku. I've always known you had a crush on me."

I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled my head into his neck and fell asleep.

xXx

The next mourning I woke up with the sunlight in my face. I opened my eyes and noticed Alfred is still on top of me.

I gently got him off of me and I sat up for awhile until I got up, making my way to my desk. I opened up one of the drawers and pulled out the journal China-san told me to write in.

I set on my desk and began to write:

_August 2, 2011:_

_I had the greatest night of my life. I finally found a person who will be with me no matter what. I made love to the person I had dreaming to have for a long time._

_His name is Alfred._

_He never gave up on me for anything and he has been helpful and supportive of me. And now I know why he stuck with someone as boring as me. It's because he loves me._

_Now I have a friend who I can tell everything to. I have someone who will always love and hold me. I never believed in true love until last night. I've always thought that love was only for the young people. Now I know why everybody loves the emotion._

_Love is the closest thing we have to magic._

_I can't let Alfred go. I don't know what I'd do without him._

_I love him…_

**Well there you have it! That was actually my very first Ameripan story I've made on fanfiction. I hope you all like it! Please R&R! I will be making more! :]**

**xoxo**

**[:everlasting-luv:]**


End file.
